JUST AS I WAS leaving my exercise class last week, I noticed one of my fellow masochists wearing a colorful knit top with a geometric pattern that I thought I’d remembered seeing on a high-end fashion site or in a magazine. “Like your sweater,” I said. And then not so tactfully blurted out, “Is it a Marni?” A much-too-much New York kind of question for the zen-like atmosphere in this studio. “No,” she whispered. “It’s J. Crew. I thought it looked like one of those Italian designers, maybe Missoni or someone like that.”
It just happened that a few days later, I got an e-mail from Marni, announcing its final sale of the season. I don’t pay much attention to these notifications because even on sale these clothes are beyond expensive. But I usually glance at the sweaters, hoping there’s one that’s been ridiculously reduced. Never happens. However, I did notice a polo-style knit shirt that reminded me of the one my Pilates pal had been wearing that had been reduced from $990 to $396. Curious, I went to the J. Crew site looking for the top my friend was wearing. There it was:”Tippi sweater in festive Fair Isle,” now $69.99, originally $89.99.
On a roll, I did some more comparison shopping on these two sites. I immediately fell for Marni’s navy gabardine runway skirt with snap buttons and large pockets, but at $692 (even though it was down from a stratospheric $1,730), I wasn’t anxious to bite. But a skirt on J.Crew with a similar look and feel is selling for $298. It’s not on sale, but I’m tempted. And, apparently so are a lot of other people; it’s sold out.
The prices on luxe labels can be heart-stoppingly high. Are you willing to pay the asking price for better material and construction or do you shop around for knock-offs of the looks you like? Or do you have another shopping strategy? Tell us about it in comments below or post something on our Facebook page. We look forward to hearing from you.
THE WORLD is turning upside down, and there are so many reasons to reach for Xanax that sometimes it’s a good thing to sweat the small stuff.
Consider this then: A friend of mine in New York has a dilemma—with her hairdresser. She has been going to the same salon for color for 10 years and has become friendly with the colorist during that time. She also has had her hair cut at the salon with one of their stylists (with whom she was less friendly and had only seen for a year or so). So, when her cousin raved about a stylist at another salon, she decided it was worth giving someone else a try. Her haircut was superb. He also happens to color hair and mentioned to her that he uses a new, less harmful coloring process.In the past few weeks, her colorist has moved to a different salon, so my friend is deciding whether this leaves her an opening to also go to this new guy for color.
Buther “old” colorist from the original salon recently called to remind her that she had moved to a different salon and hoped to see her soon. Now, she’s conflicted about what to do. Does she tell the colorist she has been seeing for 10 years that she has decided to try someone new? She doesn’t want to just ghost her. And then if she doesn’t like the new colorist’s job on her hair, does she go back to the old?
Sound familiar? Have you cut the cord with your stylist or colorist lately? How did you handle the switch? We’d love to hear from you about your experience. E-mail us or comment below.
TO BE A PARENT is to be involved in our children’s lives—to wonder where they are, what they’re doing, how they’re feeling. Do they need help? Do they need space? And rarely do these questions go away when the children move away. As a Washington Post columnist recently wrote, your older children may have left your home, but they will never leave your heart.
Yet, the relationship between parents and children will change as children grow up and move away, graduate from college and find their first careers, or get married and start their own families. Of course, older children still need their parents’ involvement and support, but to a different extent and with different expectations.
In my psychotherapy practice, which specializes in repairing and enriching relationships, I often work with clients who are struggling to connect or communicate with their older children. For example, for one family, challenges arose when their middle son (late 20s) had a major disagreement with their youngest daughter’s new boyfriend (mid-20s) over Thanksgiving dinner. For another family, years of a conflict-ridden marriage culminated in the decision to divorce when the youngest child left for college. What often comes up in therapy sessions with families is teaching parents how to use new problem-solving skills and insights about young adult development to address the tricky issues that may arise when older children leave home.
Here are four situations I’ve encountered in my practice and how I’ve advised adjusting to changes in relationship.
Scenario 1: Moving away from their childhood home
After children have left home, many couples decide to downsize their living situation. This is often an exciting time for parents, but it often creates transition stress for the children, who may instead be focused on keeping their childhood memories, exclaiming “that’s my room!”
Give older children as much notice as possible. Letting them know you’re considering a move and keeping them informed about the progress will help older children feel included in the process.
Provide opportunities for them to help pack and sort the family’s belongings, which allows them to share stories and memories, save special items and the chance to say goodbye to their childhood home.
Scenario 2: Contributing to their financial support
Just because older children are out on their own doesn’t mean they’re financially independent. Are you willing to help supplement their living expenses? What would happen if you withdrew all support? It can be tricky to balance continuing to provide financial support while also encouraging (or requiring) financial independence.
Connect them to free or low-cost financial planning software. Online budgeting services like Mint or You Need A Budget are great ways for geographically separated parents and older children to work together on making smart money decisions and starting good money-management habits.
Articulate expectations and conditions for your continued financial support. Perhaps you are willing to assist with student loan payments as long as your older child is contributing to their retirement account. Be clear from the outset in order not to create confusion or disagreement as the support changes or ceases.
Scenario 3: Becoming in-laws or grandparents as they start their own families
One of the most exciting changes in parent-child relationships is the children’s transition to becoming spouses or parents themselves—and it can also be one of the most difficult transitions to make. Everyone has expectations about how the wedding day will go. Everyone has hopes and dreams for the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. Sometimes, however, these expectations don’t align and can cause disappointment, hurt feelings and distance.
Let them know you’ll follow their lead. Allowing your older children to set the level of your involvement that feels comfortable to them demonstrates that you trust their decisions. It also makes it easier to seek your support when they need it.
Assuring them of your love and support during the hard times that may come, such as when their marriage hits the first rough patch or when they’re exhausted from a colicky baby, creates the space for them to confide in you without fear of judgment.
Scenario 4: Sharing challenging personal circumstances with them
When children are younger, parents often don’t reveal health problems, financial distress, or martial conflict. Keeping this boundary protects children from developmentally inappropriate information and stress. Once children are older, when they are themselves are grownups, sharing details with them becomes more appropriate but may also still be stressful for them.
Be sensitive, but clear. Although it may be tempting to downplay difficult information, ambiguity can create a heightened sense of worry. Instead, highlight the important facts (such as the medical diagnosis and treatment plan), be sympathetic about how the information might make them feel and give them an opportunity to ask questions.
Share carefully your own needs and feelings as you disclose difficult information. It may feel uncomfortable to allow yourself to be vulnerable with your older children in this way, but it is worth deepening your bond. Just remember there is a difference between sharing with them and burdening them—having other people in your life to lean on and share feelings with is a helpful way not to place all your emotional support needs on your children.
—Dr. Emily Cook Dr. Cook is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Bethesda, Maryland. Learn more by visiting emilycooktherapy.
Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, but if you don’t have a hot date, how about a hot novel? According to a story on CBS’s Sunday Morning about the allure of romance novels, “Almost always—like, virtually always—you can have a big alpha hero.” But at the end, the person in charge is the heroine, end of story. We’re cool with that! Below is a repeat of our own post on romance novels.
IMAGINE A WORLD created by intelligent, plucky women.
Imagine a world where fantasy is played out on a secure stage, where pleasure and principle are not at odds.
I’m contributing to those sales, selecting the latest release from the rack above the magazines at CVS to add to my red shopping basket, and I’m rereading the Bröntes in thick hardback editions borrowed from the library.
When I found myself setting aside a trade paperback with its hushed cover image to dip instead like a water ouzel into the polychromatic mass market paperback Big Girl Panties by Stephanie Evanovich, I had to wonder: What exactly is the appeal of romance to readers?
So I asked a few romance writers.
“What appeals to women about romance is it always works out,” says Maryland-based author Robin Covington. “We live in a world where women have so many hats they wear. They have so many responsibilities in and outside the home. We worry, ‘Are my kids going to grow up okay?’ We worry about our own relationships. A lot of us are taking care of our parents.”
“My day job is as an attorney,” Covington adds. “I watch the news and some days it’s not so great to be on planet Earth. But in a book it’s always a happily ever after. If I want to be depressed, I’ll pick up the newspaper.”
This happily-ever-after aspect — HEA in romance-novel lingo— gets the genre into hot water with literary critics because it often means simple domesticity. Heroines who’ve had careers, first marriages and children, who independently overcame setbacks, gladly extend their left hands to receive the hero’s gold band. They relocate, often have more babies and bake cookies in the remodeled kitchen of an expansive ranch house, or plant daffodils in the garden of their waterfront home.
Beloved by some, reviled by others. Some reviewers on Evanovich’s Amazon page suggest her stories set back feminism. Reading the posts, I thought of my personal triad of feminist role models: my mother and two grandmothers.
I grew up watching my mother roll on pantyhose in the predawn to hop a Metrobus to work where she tapped her hard-won hammer against the glass ceiling, cracking it enough for the next generation of women to break through. On her return home, she’d stop at the corner store for ingredients to prepare the evening meal. Weekends, she potted begonias and baked cookies. (Okay, my mom was baking quiche – this was the ’80s – but baking nevertheless.)
Oh, yeah, she had it all: except time for herself. Only when our dad took my brother and me camping for a weekend did mom have a few hours to hole up with an onion sandwich and a glass of wine to read mysteries, her mass-market novel of choice.
Her mother and my father’s mother worked with pride while supporting passage of the Equal Rights Amendment and volunteering for the League of Women Voters. Both single parents, they were evidence that life holds no guarantee of that HEA. Their lives were more about having steel backbones than (Danielle) Steel books.
Divorce ran like a fever through my parents and the parents of my Gen-X peers. I know not everyone meets her soul mate. Some of my friends have sworn off marriage. Others are on round two or three.
Against the advice of just about everybody, I got married at age 24 to someone I’d known a little more than a year. During my husband-to-be’s sole visit from California to D.C. to meet my family and announce our engagement, my mother heard my doubts about the “I do” as we rode the elevator to my grandmother’s apartment. My mom asked a pivotal question.
“Do you love him?”
I recalled the instant I first set eyes on my heartthrob at a small-town newsroom in the Golden State’s Gold Country. “Yes.”
“Well, then it will be okay,” she said.
The HEA, along with a plot that has a love story as its central feature, defines the genre, according to Romance Writers of America. But as I read more and more of these page-turners, I’ve come to believe it’s not the ending that matters, but the struggles along the way. These are struggles mirrored in my own long marriage: lean times, illness, ill will, misunderstandings, followed by the making up.
“Romance is a very character-driven genre,” Covington says. She maps each of her characters’ lives by asking throughout the writing process, “Who are these people and how do they grow?”
Linda Lael Miller, a doyenne of the romance novel, says, “I like to write about the strength of the human spirit, choosing to go on.”
In the course of Miller’s Dylan, the title character uncovers the truth of his mother’s suicide and his father’s alcoholism while arranging custody of his daughter, rescuing a dog and persuading his high-school sweetheart to trust him again.
“Big things have to be at stake, things like survival or the wellbeing of a child,” says Miller. “Otherwise you might as well play with your iPhone.”
Miller hopes readers remember the quality of courage in her characters. “They stand up and deal with whatever they have to deal with,” she emphasizes from her home in Spokane, Washington. “We all face challenges.”
Challenges vary depending on the book.
“Romance is one of those mass market fiction genres that has something for everyone,” Covington points out. “If you like alpha males or more beta gamer software designers, we’ve got that for you.”
Characters may be gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual or transgender. Settings include historical, contemporary and paranormal with socially provocative themes or suspenseful plots.
Romance writers are unabashed about serving a market.
“If you’re going to be successful in this business you have to deliver on your promise to your customers, and my readers are my customers,” Covington says.
“All I ever wanted was to be a writer, from the time I was 10 years old,” says Miller, who sold her first book in 1983. “I wanted to write historical novels, but with new writers it was a matter of what sells, and that was romance.”
Miller taught herself the genre by buying a grocery sack full of romance novels at a used book store and figuring out how they were done. She hears from male fans as well as female; men especially like historical settings, she says.
Covington’s readers know: “I deliver sassy, intelligent heroines who make their own place in the world. I like a little antihero.” Her readers also get “sizzling romance.”
“The books wouldn’t be complete without the sex,” Covington explains, “because when you enter into a sexual relationship with someone you’re going to push all your boundaries. You are making yourself vulnerable.”
Sex, she adds, “is a way I get to know my characters best.”
Miller agrees on the genre’s breadth. “There’s everything from sweet romances and Christian romances with no sex at all to stuff that is more sizzling than mine, like erotica.”
A feature of the genre is tension between physical attraction and emotional commitment between characters, and the conflict of societal expectations and heart’s desire within a character.
“In anything I’m writing, the purpose is to give the reader an emotional experience,” Miller explains. If sex scenes don’t fit the storyline, she refuses to add them, even at a publisher’s request. “Just like violence, sex shouldn’t be gratuitous.”
In my own reading habits, I’m tending toward contemporary, easy-going, animal-loving characters with senses of humor who relocate from the big city to a small town, the sort who have heartfelt conversations and make love under the stars. Just sayin’.
Pleasure (relaxing into a well-told yarn while emails glow unanswered and laundry wrinkles in the dryer).
Privacy (entering an imaginary world insulated from analysis; staking out personal space, curled up in a chair with a fresh title or perched on a Metrorail seat with an e-reader).
Participation (sharing in the human desire to be happy, however that looks in a chosen story; taking part in the power of women to belong freely, in mind and body, to themselves, with each other and beside a lover).
“I don’t care where you come from,” Covington says. “Everyone deserves to be loved and know that they’re loved. So many people don’t get it in real life, but they get it in the books.”
Remember the elevator ride with my mom? Exiting that Otis and walking down the hallway to tell my grandmother my nuptial news was the scariest part of the adventure for me. She was a woman who – when I asked why she was so demanding – told me she was harder on me than she was on my brother because life is tougher on women and I needed to be prepared.
I listened.
Plan for the worst, expect the best. A winning formula for romance novels and real life.
— Alexa Mergen Alexa Mergen teaches small group and private lessons in yoga, meditation and writing in Harpers Ferry, W.V. and Washington, D.C. and edits Yoga Stanza.
Pieced together from seven fabrics, Simone Rocha’s “Frankenstein’d” dress from her spring runway.
A hodgepodge of jersey and organza in a Sacai spring skirt. $1,205, netaporter.com.
New York label Monse deconstructed a button-down shirt into a bustier ($990, bergdorfgoodman.com). Not easy to wear!
Tibi’s take on the classic button-up adds a vest-like overlay with a waist-cinching tie. $295, tibi.com.
Simone Rocha stays with traditional trench details but adds exaggerated puffy shirt sleeves with bow-ties to the classic mix. $1,618, matches fashion.com.
Isabel Marant Etoile’s check-pattern linen skirt with ruched front with frayed edges conveys the deconstructed look subtly. $260, matches fashion.com.
Tiered ruffle top with asymmetrical hem is toned-down deconstructed fashion. Sold out at press time. From co-collections.com.
A patchwork, but Sacai’s sweatshirt is easily wearable. $426, farfetch.com.
“A DECONSTRUCTED shirt makes you look relevant. You stand out,” says a fashion exec in a story in Saturday’s Wall Street Journal. But embracing this sort-of-new trend (the look first cropped up in the 1980s with designers Martin Margiela and Rei Kawakubo) can also make you look like you put your shirt or jacket on upside down, backwards or inside out. Tops baring one or two shoulders, uneven buttons, elongated cuffs and slashed sleeves, asymmetrical hems on blouses and skirts, pants legs in two different materials or dresses pieced together from different fabrics may work for celebs and street-style stars whose job it is to make a bold statement and be photographed in the process. But for the rest of us?
Consider the examples in the WSJ article, referred to as “accessible decon” fashion: A Simone Rocha dress that’s a patchwork of seven fabrics. Sweetly subversive, as the article asserts, or something that would have been better selected by the costume designer for”Little House on the Prairie?” Sacai’s pleated jersey skirt with organza makes the wearer look as if she has extra girth on one hip, not something most of us would appreciate paying more than $1,000 for. Of the three, fashion darling Monse’s off-the-shoulder corset top (a button-up-turned-bustier) is arguably the most wearable, that is if you don’t get confused about how it buttons. Finally, frequently photographed Dallas boutique owner and former Marie Claire editor Taylor Tomasi Hill is photographed wearing an off-the-shoulder Dior jacket that displays the pink pearl strap of her corset top. Dark navy pants, ladylike red bow pumps and top-handle handbag keep the ensemble from looking messy, says the WSJ article. Uh-huh.
All that aside, if the deconstructed look appeals, proceed slowly with one or two pieces that riff on the trend but don’t swallow it whole. We’ve selected four of our own toned-down examples to guide you.
—Janet Kelly Janet Kelly is the editor of MyLittleBird. Read more fashion posts here.
If a coat could give you confidence, this one from Rosella Jardini’s pre-fall 2017 collection would be it. $1,155, modaoperandi.com.
Fornasetti’s wax “Bacio” candle in a ceramic vessel featuring the nose and mouth of Italian opera singer Lina Cavalieri. Scented with thyme and lavender. $147, netaporter.com.
For Chinese New Year or anytime. MCM crossbody pouch in coated canvas with heart-shaped rooster graphic. $380, neimanmarcus.com.
Left: a warm red from Kevyn Aucoin’s Expert Lip Color, $35, kevynaucoin.com. Right: Lipstick Queen’s Brat Pack, a “red carpet” shade and case. $50, lipstickqueen.com.
The Eyebobs Losing It readers are a little pricey ($79, eyebobs.com) but oh so cute and despite the name, unlikely to disappear — at least not easily.
This bright cerise mug from Creuset will wake up your morning coffee. $14, creuset.com.
Lycra rouge tights ($39.50, fogal.com) give legs a subtle shimmer. Come on, brighten up all that black.
Left: Asian wrap shorty pjs are more pink than red, but they’re still a hot buy (20 percent off $64, garnethill.com). Right: Natori’s Dynasty Printed PJ’s ($160, neimanmarcus.com) will elevate your lounging-around style.
RED IS the color to wear to be noticed—for a national debate, TV interview, magazine cover, any occasion that demands high visibility—and to signal strength. Think Hillary Clinton in red Ralph Lauren at her first presidential debate, Michelle Obama in red Narciso Rodriguez in Nov. 2009 on the evening of Barack Obama’s election, and, of course, who can forget Nancy Reagan in her signature color at so many events? But the convergence of Chinese Year of the Rooster (January 28-Feb. 15), National Wear Red Day (Feb. 3, to raise awareness about heart disease) and Valentine’s Day gives us all an excuse to be women in red—yes, for some sartorial relief amid endless gray days but also to connect with our own individual power and courage.
You say red’s not your hue? Too bold? Perhaps then a handbag with a rooster graphic from MCM, Fogal‘s opaque cherry tights or a Fornesetti candle emblazoned with crimson lips to light up and scent your home decor. Plus, some more ways to energize the days ahead with red and as an antidote to a series of hard-to-stomach political events.
Jodie Klein’s embroidered booties from TopShop added a fresh note to her wardrobe.
LittleBird Nancy has her eye on this army-green croc Nancy Gonzalez bag. She’ll wear it to the dog park!
Nancy Gold’s must-have: black pants. (These are from Sarah Pacini.)
LAST WEEK we asked what you’d spend for a winter wardrobe pick-me-up. Was your sweet spot $300, $400? More? Less? And what items what would you be willing to shell out money for? As to be expected, most of you wanted a good deal, a few of you had black pants on their to-buy radar, and a couple of you thought that getting what they wanted was more important than the price tag. Thank you all for your feedback.
World traveler Bonnie Schloss: My price is low. Clothing is better when it’s on sale and shopping for a bargain is my therapy. Just spent $160 at Desigual‘s (my favorite store/brand), where I scored 70% off two sweaters, one dress and three long-sleeve shirts. That way I have money left to spend on crafts when I travel to Colombia.
Philanthropy consultant Christine O’Neill Singer: What price comfort and I don’t mean the elastic waistband kind. I mean soft, unstructured, probably gray, well-made (unlike a brand we all want to love but that comes apart at the seams all the time—cutting corners on seams is the mark of a cheap manufacturing chain)—clothing that goes on with no fuss, looks stylish enough for any lunch in NY (sorry DC) but relaxed enough for a walk through Central Park with your lunch companion afterwards. $500-$1,000 for the outfit, acquired over a bit of time. And lasts five years at least.
PR executive Jodie Klein: My big coup this season was a pair of TopShop embroidered booties for $69. Every time I wear them I get compliments, and they add a freshness to every outfit.
DMV realtor Bonnie Casper: A cashmere sweater or sweater dress. Between $200 and $300 on sale.
Pittsburgh interior designer Candy Johnston: I don’t buy anything much in the fall. Instead I wait for the post-holiday sales. Neiman Marcus was selling things up to 75 percent off and I got three dresses and a few pairs of Stuart Weitzman boots.
Philadelphia lawyer Nancy Gold: I spend much too much on clothes and shoes, bags and makeup. The biggest thing I spend money on is black pants, in all iterations, though generally on sale. There’s a great boutique (Erdon) near me that stocks wonderful European under-the-radar designers (Sarah Pacini, Ivan Grundahl, Trippen, e.g.) and I wait for their 70% off sale. I have tons of black pants, and I love and wear all of them. I can spend anywhere from $100 to $300, depending on how much I like them. I try not to buy anything I don’t love anymore. That goes for shoes, too. I’m buying fewer, and they’re more expensive than I used to spend, but I love them!
Little Bird Stephanie Cavanaugh: Clothes Encounters on Capitol Hill is my haunt. Latest coup: $25 for a $750 Johnstons of Elgin Scottish cashmere turtleneck. Also, black pants. Eileen Fisher, and not just because I wear them in a small, which is a laugh. They actually make me look like I wear a small. These I’ve paid full price ($175) for. They wear like iron. Washer/dryer safe. Probably could throw them in the dishwasher and they’d hold up. Miracle pants.
Expert shopper Dasha Karelina: Having surveyed my fall/winter wardrobe options recently only to discover that they are 99 percent black or in the same two shades of gray, I turned to Etsy for a splash of color. First, I ordered a poppy red linen blouse with lavish embroidery on the sleeves from a seamstress in Ukraine. It took a month to arrive but it was worth the wait: gorgeous, beautifully cut from heavy-weight linen and it goes with all of my black pants, jeans and can be paired with shorts in the summer. My second purchase was a colorful traditional Pavlovo Posad wool shawl from Russia, to complement all those black coats and sweaters in my closet. It will easily work with spring and summer outfits as well.
D.C. writer: I splurged on a pair of L.K.Bennett boots with silver studs because I had to have them. Also, they were a little bit on sale.
Met Museum of Art docent Linda Kastan: I don’t think about shopping like everyone else does—well, most everyone else. First, no midwinter perking up for my wardrobe. I dress mainly in black, it will always be black and winter is the best time for that non-color color. I already have enough contrasting color pieces in my closet, be they white, blue, beige or even fuchsia and chartreuse (I love chartreuse!). My shopping in winter slows down. Sales are perfect places not for picking up something I know I am going to wear, but rather something out of my comfort zone or just plain fun. I can stroll down Madison Avenue and check out stores for sales items that meet those criteria (also including something I fall in love with), but a bright color doesn’t play a part. I buy makeup in winter and summer, and if I am going to bring color into my winter look, it will generally be through a change in makeup.
MyLittleBird Managing Editor Nancy McKeon: I have my eye on this kind of weird-colored, army-green crocodile cross-body bag from Nancy Gonzalez. Not sure why but since a trip to Brazil in 1968, I try to have something croc all the time, sometimes a wallet, sometimes moccasins (though they’ve become too pricey), sometimes yet one more handbag. This particular bag is from a species of crocodile that’s not endangered, so if I decide to splurge on it, I could buy it with a relatively clear conscience. I’m tired of black bags (one casual and one dressy are enough), and this one is not so dressy I can’t wear it to the dog park. It’ll be just another cross-body bag with poop bags in it.
LAST JANUARY, MyLittleBird posted a story on a Wall Street Journal article that revealed the high price of beauty these days as recounted by three women in their 40s. We encouraged our readers to tell us how much they spend in a year on “maintenance” (haircuts, blow-dries, mani-pedis, hair color, also injectables). Responses tallied from $235 to about $7,000 and included one helluva hilarious list from LittleBird Stephanie Cavanaugh.
In a similar vein, in a London Times story last week, Times fashion director Anna Murphy polled her friends and colleagues (lawyers, real estate agents, civil servants, writers) on what they’d spend on an item of clothing for a “sartorial refresh” this time of year. Be it shoes, bags, jackets or pants, Murphy found that almost without exception, their “sweet spot” was between $300 and $450.
Which got us wondering about our own spending on clothes. Would you be outraged at the thought of shelling out more than $700 for a perfectly cut pair of pants from, say, Celine or The Row, or would you see it as a smart investment; is $250 for a Theory silk shirt reasonable or ridiculous? What’s your limit for a new handbag—what brand? Coach, Longchamp, Zara? What about loafers—$375 from Ann Mashburn, $175 from online-only Everlane?
As I mentioned last week, my most recent purchase was a $400 ultra-warm sweater jacket from Iro. It was a wardrobe pick-me-up but was also very valuable in the weeks ahead when the Fahrenheit fell to single digits.
So, we’d love to hear what you feel comfortable spending for shoes, boots, or that handbag or jacket you have your eye on. Please reply in comments or send us an email to info@mylittlebird.com. Thank you!
FROM SEPTEMBER THROUGH December 2016, I lived in a short-term rental with the majority of my clothes in storage. During those four months, I wore one-quarter of my wardrobe. No, make that one-eighth—for at least eight weeks. When the weather changed, my available choices dwindled.
Now that I’m reunited with my full complement of clothing, I’ve arranged it into the three compartments of my bedroom closet. The most used section contains the same one-eighth I wore during the period when most of my wardrobe and I were separated.
Throughout late October, November and December, two pairs of Joseph gabardine leggings—one navy with an elasticized waist and one black—and a pair of Seven for All Mankind jeans with frayed hem were my go-to bottoms. On my feet: Rag & Bone boots, Massimo Dutti blue suede tassel loafers that I bought in Milan five years ago and a pair of black suede chunky pumps from Stuart Weitzman. A navy cashmere crewneck sweater, a 15-year-old taupe cardigan from Banana Republic and an almost equally old taupe turtleneck were the most frequently worn tops. A Theory silk shirt and a Theory jacket in navy and with faux black leather got me through occasions when I needed to dress up a little, like my high-school reunion, some dinners out and a Christmas party or two. My soigné Epice scarf in pink, navy, charcoal and white coordinated with everything and kept my neck warm. Under jackets, I rotated a couple of white Brooks Brothers shirts and an indigo one from Ann Mashburn. Admittedly, there were days when I never changed out of my workout wear. And, on a trip to NYC in late November, feeling a little (shamefully so) deprived, I splurged on an IRO sweater jacket.
So, what did I miss those four months? A saddle-colored tote bag that I’d worn to death but looks a helluva lot chic-er than a navy quilted backpack that I decided would have more practical applications. I longed for two scarves I left behind—one blue and caramel floral pattern and one from Banana Republic that had a glittery metallic edge. I have a thing for stripes and loose-fitting tops so I wished I had brought my charcoal and yellow stripe boatneck wool sweater. And when it got really cold, my oversize fisherman sweater would have been cozy.
The fact that I got by pretty well with less is not so surprising—I didn’t have a calendar filled with lunches, meetings or cocktail parties. Most days, I sat at dining room table/desk typing. Still, it’s instructive going forward. I don’t intend to bequeath my closet to Goodwill, but I own several sweaters I haven’t worn in years that could go in the out box (I’m looking at you, boxy, white cable-knit cashmere, and you, clunky moss cardigan with shawl collar) as well as many skirts and jackets that belong to a past work life.
This temporary cleansing also showed me where my wardrobe falls short. My white shirt stash is in dire need of restocking, and when it comes to essentials, a few long-sleeve jersey T-shirts and lightweight knit sweaters for layering and/or wearing alone would be an improvement. Another thing I realized while shopping with my artsy New York pal, who bought herself a red neoprene print sweatshirt at Pinko on Madison Avenue. Every closet needs some whimsy. I’m adding that to my to-do list for 2017.
— Janet Kelly Janet Kelly is the editor of MyLittleBird. She most recently posted about what she’s looking forward to in 2017.
WE GLADLY showed 2016 the door, but then the question, “What to look forward to in 2017?”
Here’s my own personal list of what I have my eye on to read, do and watch to get the new year off to a good start.
Friends who know me very well gave me the perfect gift — Women in Clothes, a book that explores how women present themselves through clothes and what style means. There are original interviews, conversations, surveys and drawings from more than 600 contributors, including Miranda July, Cindy Sherman, Molly Ringwald, Rachel Kushner and Roxane Gay. Next up on my bedside table.
In the past year I have learned to do
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Pilates exercises that have worked wonders on my wonky back. And classes begun recently — frequently the highlight of my week — have given me a whole new appreciation of my anatomy and the resolve to continue. Furthermore, for the hypermobile among us, it’s highly recommended.
2017 is my year to put on masks — facial masks. You can scare the heck out of your partner when you come out of the bathroom looking like the phantom of the opera, but the dewy looks post-treatment from Lancôme‘s Génifique Sheet Mask are worth it. Florapy‘s Anti-Aging Mask with calendula and sage also gets a thumbs-up for a return engagement.
It’s unfortunately true for most of us that lips get thinner with age, but I’ve always been reluctant to try an injectable because even thin lips look better than ridiculously pumped-up pouts. So, Juvederm Volbella, which is the newest hyaluronic acid filler to receive FDA approval, reportedly adds subtle volume to the lips, softens the appearance of those annoying lines around the mouth and lasts up to a year. Downside: it can cause bruising and swelling. Still, I’m tempted. 5. According to a recent Wall Street Journal story, “16 Reasons to Love Fashion in 2016,” fashion on TV hasn’t been the same since the 2015 finale of “Mad Men.” So, whoopee for the luscious costumes on a young Elizabeth II, her sister Margaret, the queen mother and Wallis Simpson on Netflix’s first 10 episodes of “The Crown.” Pearls, Peter Pan collars and fur abound. I’m only on episode 8, but enthralled. And, if you loved Lady Mary on “Downton Abbey,” don’t miss TNT’s “Good Behavior” starring Michele Dockery as Lettie Raines, a petty thief and ne’er do well blonde, redhead and brunette variously costumed in a curvy black sheath with cut-outs, oversize sunglasses and flowy-sleeve dresses. Ingenious.
Nothing like a shimmery cardigan to up an outfit’s glam factor. This one is $89.99 at zara.com.
Lace is having a moment this season. Rebecca Taylor’s floral lace peplum top ($425, neimanmarcus.com) says you’re up — sedately — for a party.
Sarah Jessica Parker’s lavender sequin Mary Jane pump adds whimsy to a wardrobe, but stays grounded with a block heel. Perfect combo. $385, nordstrom.com.
Left, Eileen Fisher’s metallic-striped scarf with tasseled trim is a go-to party accent, $98, neimanmarcus.com. Right, a floral silk shirt dresses up any bottom. $120, massimodutti.com.
You won’t even need jewelry if you carry this Tory Burch cunning clutch. $254, farfetch.com.
Elevate your evening look with long crystal danglers (left, $129.50, club monaco.com) or, right, with a cabochon and velvet wrap choker ($230), saksfifthavenue.com)
IF YOUR IDEA OF celebrating New Year’s Eve is slipping on your footed pj’s and curling up with a good book, stop reading now. But if you’ve got an occasion to dress up for, we can help.
It’s hard to remember a season when “more is more” dressing was more in fashion. Which means an abundance of ruffled blouses, velvet everything, sequin skirts and tops, metallic shoes and shiny handbags. In a store near you.
But you don’t need to pull out all these bells and whistles to party in, just one well-chosen accessory or item of clothing. Accent your basic black sheath with dangly crystal earrings or a silvery scarf. A frilly blouse, sequin shoes or a glittery cardigan will make any of your same-old wardrobe choices look brand new.
AFTER A MONTH filled with festive events and a few more to come before the January lull in the calendar, who couldn’t use a few beauty tips on how to put your best face on an important evening out?
So, we asked Managing Editor Nancy McKeon, Well-Being Editor Mary Carpenter and loyal MyLittleBird reader Nancy Gold. And I supplemented their suggestions with a few of my own.
Mary: “If my hair looks especially horrible, I use heated rollers. (Conair‘s Compact Plastic Hairsetter, $32.99, comes with 20 multi-size, tangle-free rollers.) Sometimes I pinch my cheeks and if there’s time, add a little roll-on blush.”
Nancy McKeon: Both attest to the efficacy of Bliss Triple Oxygen Instant Energizing Foaming Mask for a quick fix before a festive event. “May sound like hype, but Bliss Triple Oxygen Mask really works! I always use it before ‘occasions.'”
Nancy Gold: “I do my Bliss energizing face mask (and leave it on a bit longer than they say); then some coconut oil, which I let sink in (my face DRINKS this stuff up); if my eyes are puffy, I will put cold green tea bags on them and lie down for about 10 minutes. If I have to do this, it’s last, since I layer all types of ‘product’ on my face. This allows the tea to sink in more but still be the last thing before I start layering.”
Me: I’ve sung the praises of Frownies Eye Gels before. Not the paper self-adhesives that you apply to different areas of the face but the jelly-like under-eye patches that you leave on for 30 minutes. I recently tried them again before a holiday cocktail party and am convinced my crow’s feet looked less pronounced and my bags less puffy.
My ace hair colorist, Jeremy Buchanan of Salon One80, raves about Color Wow for covering up roots in between appointments. So, when I couldn’t snag an opening with Mr. B. and my roots were looking badly faded, I dabbed it on and my roots no longer screamed gray. Then I tried it on my brows — with the small end of the applicator— and voilà, my face had a defining frame.
Washington’s premier dermatologist, Dr. Tina Alster, recommends Sente Dermal Repair to her clients for improving skin texture and tone. I’m a fan of the brand’s Daily Repair Complex for its wrinkle-softening and subtle coverage properties. I use it before layering on a tinted moisturizer for as close to glowing as I can get.
Armani makeup artist Tim Quinn knows the importance of creating a luminous effect around the eyes, forehead and cheekbones. Two products that perform that important function — Tarte’s Inner Rim Liner in nude makes sleepy eyes look awake and Tata Harper’s Highlighter dotted at the corner of the eyes brightens the face. They both can be used on the brow bone and above the cheekbones.
We posted the story below about the promising future of personalized medicine in mid-August, 2015. Sixteen months later that future is no longer just a dream. On Dec. 13, 2o16, Democrats and Republicans united to pass the 21st Century Cures Act almost unanimously, and President Obama signed the legislation into law.
The act provides $6.3 billion to build a research infrastructure necessary to act on the many changes occurring in healthcare: precision medicine; ending cancer as we know it, through the newly named “Beau Biden Cancer Moonshot;” unlocking cures for brain diseases like Alzheimer’s; and help for people with opioid addiction.
Streamlined regulations in the way FDA approves drugs will benefit patients with rare diseases that have few or no treatments. The few opponents to the Act are concerned that some regulatory changes may lead to drug safety issues. But in the main, there is scarcely an American family who will not benefit from the downstream effects of this law.
REMEMBER THOSE OLD Star Trek episodes where Dr. McCoy used some thingamajig to instantly diagnose a patient’s illness? Although we may not be at that point yet, the new thinking in medicine will affect your health care, if not tomorrow or next year, then in the not-too-distant future.
Precision medicine is personalized medicine; it analyzes individual differences in genes, environments and lifestyles to help prevent diseases to which people are predisposed and treat diseases they currently face.
In the next year, millions will be diagnosed with diseases including diabetes, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and cancer. For the last century, doctors have treated patients with the same diagnosis the same way, using one or two drugs for everyone who suffers from the same disease.
But we are not the same. Two decades ago, the human genome’s three billion lines of code were sequenced. Since then scientists have been able to distinguish discrepancies from one person to the next. We always understood that each person was different; now we can see why. It’s all right there in your genes, and today you can even have your genome sequenced overnight.
The stories about cancer patients whose chemotherapy was unsuccessful are legion. Today’s cancer patients have a less than 35 percent chance of getting the right chemo the first time. A drug can gain FDA approval with only a 50 percent success rate. What about the other 50 percent?
Drug manufacturers design medicines for the average patient—not the individual patient. Now doctors have the tools to better understand the mechanisms underlying each patient’s condition. Our genetic roadmap was always there, it just took science time to figure out how to read it.
Imagine a repository that holds your genetic information and medical and family history. If you have cancer, pieces of your tumor will be stored there. Then scientists can implant pieces of that tumor into genetically modified mice. A small army of these mice will act as your avatar, and scientists can test potential treatments on them to see which treatment would work best for you. No more chemo treatments that don’t work. Your doctor will know exactly which treatment is tailor-made for your individual genetic mutation. This is no longer the stuff of science fiction. Individualized medical care is already here.
Similar to the AIDS fight of the ‘80s or the War on Cancer, public policy now is turning its spotlight on how to better predict a patient’s future disease to develop prevention strategies and then to choose which treatments will be most effective if the patient develops that disease. In Washington—even in these highly partisan times—there’s a bi-partisan effort at a major infrastructure upgrade that will enable us to move from a one-size-fits-all approach to one that targets specific genetic mutations that drive disease.
President Obama’s Precision Medicine Initiative calls for $215 million. In Congress, the 21st Century Cures legislation provides the National Institutes of Health $1.75 billion per year for five years, and $110 million for each of five years to the FDA. This legislation easily passed the House and is moving now to the Senate.
— Jodie Klein Jodie Klein, principal of Klein On Point, has worked in healthcare communications for 30 years.
An understated way to gleam. Diane von Furstenberg’s Lurex cardigan ($328, saksfifthavenue.com) tops a DVF metallic midi skirt.
On-trend lace-up ballerina flats that are easy on the wallet. $22.99, zara.com.
Courtesy of a collaboration between Kate Moss and Equipment, a gunmetal silk-blend shirt to channel your inner rocker. $340, netaporter.com.
All eyes will be on your ears. Gold-plated brass disc earrings with silk, teal tassels. $185, lizziefortunato.com.
Ballerinas with a heel from H&M’s sister & Other Stories coming to D.C. next fall. $125, stories.com/us.
Nothing perks up all black like a touch of gold. The shine pouch is $65, everlane.com.
A gold cluster of crystals at a shoulder-dusting length. Pair these danglers with your favorite LBD. $75, kendrascott.com.
Joie’s satin ballet flat with frayed detail and tasseled ankle-wrap ties. $188, bloomingdales.com.
It’s not metallic but this DVF royal blue satin will add high shine to your evening. $130, netaporter.com.
Elizabeth and James’ ‘Shelley’ silk blouse with gold threads in a filigree pattern makes a pair of black pants party-ready. $325, netaporter.com.
Swish through the holidays in ALC’s shimmery, accordion-pleat skirt. $645, intermix.com.
IN THE UNLIKELY EVENT you questioned it, there’s a reason for all those Hanukah candles and Christmas lights. We’re heading into the darkest time of the year, literally. So, say yes to festive dress with a judicious use of sparkle. And shine.
Cindy Weber-Cleary, a magazine editor with stints at InStyle, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Vogue, and now editor of shopping destination Apprecier.com advises “dressing simply and accessorizing wildly.” “A charcoal turtleneck and gray flannel pants morph into eveningwear with show-stopping drop earrings and a strappy evening sandal.” For similar effect, pair a gold-flecked blouse with a black pencil skirt or an LBD with a satin clutch.
Metallic finishes scored high on fall 2016 runways. Lurex was back in the spotlight and so was satin.
But it’s the light-enhancing qualities of these shiny clothes and accessories that will keep you smiling through the season.
My Turn: Six Things to Know about Today’s Dating Scene
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THE HOLIDAYS ARE here. For many of us, that means making small talk with relatives we only see once a year. It can be difficult to find something to talk about with someone who is in a completely different stage of life, especially this year when politics are banned from many family dinner tables. If you’re someone who has been married for decades, you might not be familiar with what your single niece/cousin/friend is encountering on the dating scene. So before you strike up a conversation about fixing them up or asking about their exciting bachelor/ette lifestyle, here are six things to know about today’s dating scene.
Everyone swipes. It’s important to understand the language of online dating. On Tinder and other online dating apps, users swipe right if they’re interested in someone or swipe left if they’re not interested in the person. Swiping left and right has seeped into the vernacular. For example, if your nephew says, “Uncle Joe told me to try the Paleo diet, and I thought, ‘Swipe left,’” that’s slang for he’s not interested in trying the Paleo diet.
No one goes out to dinner anymore. At least not on the first date. Nowadays it’s perfectly acceptable, probably even preferred, to meet up for drinks or coffee on a first date. This is undoubtedly related to the swiping phenomenon. You don’t have to go out to meet people anymore; you can meet hundreds of people on your phone while relaxing on your couch in a matter of minutes. After a few texts, you’ve got a coffee date … or four. All of the swiping leads to more first dates, which leads to people being more thrifty with their time and money on first dates.
There are fewer than six degrees of separation. Think your co-worker’s son might be perfect for your neighbor’s daughter? There’s a chance they might have already met. In a bustling and transient city like Washington, DC, people are meeting online faster than well-meaning meddlers can introduce them. Of course, the flip side of this is that everyone has more baggage. That awkward guy you had coffee with last month is in the Meetup group you just joined, and the guy you met for drinks last week who couldn’t stop talking about himself is now dating your friend’s sister.
Ghosting is a thing. Previously called the fade, ghosting is when things seem to be going well between two people but then one person suddenly stops replying to texts and calls. (Pro tip: When someone confides in you about being ghosted, do not try to comfort him or her by saying there are more fish in the sea. The best response is to say, “I’m sorry that happened,” and show empathy.)
What happens on the internet stays on the internet…forever. Gone are the days when people could breakup and forget about each other. Now, no matter how many miles apart you move, your ex is only a mouse-click (or finger-tap) away on social media. While it’s not healthy, it’s definitely common for people to use Facebook and Instagram to keep tabs on their exes. Don’t ask people why they do this, just accept that it happens.
Not everyone who is single wants a relationship. While getting married might be the best thing that ever happened to you, marriage isn’t for everyone. Of course, you have good intentions when trying to make a match, but remember that people want different things out of life. When people say, “Thanks, but I’m not interested,” believe them (and preferably don’t pass judgment on them).
Keep these six tips in mind over the next few weeks to make sure you’re speaking the same language as your single relatives. But most importantly, remember that being single is only one aspect of their personality (and probably not the salient one). Don’t forget to ask about their career, travels, hobbies and other pursuits!
— Aliza Epstein Aliza Epstein lives in Arlington, Va., and spends her free time writing and dating.
Slip a sporty bomber jacket over a tuxedo jumpsuit or a T-shirt to add glam in a low-key kind of way. $750, veronicabeard.com.
We like this multi-color confetti crystal clutch so much we chose it for our daily gift guide. $495, sophiawebster.com.
A square-toed riff on the classic ballerina, topped with red crystal jewels from Frances Valentine, the new Kate Spade-designed footwear and accessories brand. $495, francesvalentine.com
Lulu Frost’s triangle earrings studded with Swarovski crystals, $163, neimanmarcus.com.
No jewelry, no problem. Faceted crystals glitter across a Whiting & Davis metal mesh clutch with magnetic closure. $305, nordstrom.com.
Kick up your jeweled heels in velvet Mary Janes. $595, francesvalentine.com.
Pair a midi-skirt or tuxedo pants with these toe-twinklers from Converse. $75, netaporter.com.
Add shine to black and white with a small bag with shaggy gold tassels. $75, us.topshop.com.
CAN A GROWN-UP girl wear glitter?
The answer: a qualified yes. Head-to-toe glitter is a no-no unless you’re Jennifer Lawrence, Beyonce or Adele receiving an Oscar or a Grammy.
To our way of thinking, the sparkly stuff works best as an accent or an accessory. Think about a sequined trim on a sweater, twinkling shoes or a jewel-like handbag.
Take a look at our suggestions for ways to add a little glitz to your tuxedo or other holiday party wear.
An update on the traditional: Maison Margiela’s black wool double-breasted tuxedo jacket with satin lapels is paired with a white shirt, cropped pants and booties. $1,995, barneys.com.
J Crew single-breasted jacket with satin lapels has a fun polka-dot lining. After the holidays, wear it with denim. $260, netaporter.com.
Wear Racil’s burgundy Orion tailored velvet jacket with tassel waist belt atop slim black trousers. $905, matchesfashion.com.
Kate Spade’s velvet-backed hematite and cubic zirconia brooch will dress up your silk blouse or your handbag. $278, katespade.com.
This Diane von Furstenberg velvet jumpsuit is back-ordered at Neiman Marcus. Matches Fashion (matchesfashion.com) carries a similar one (with long sleeves) for $552.
Go low with Shoes of Prey’s smoking slipper with contrast trim and tassels. $179.95, nordstrom.com.
Pair Vince’s pleated satin wide-leg pants with a black silk blouse for relaxed elegance. $345, netaporter.com.
Topshop riffs on the traditional tuxedo jacket in jade crinkle velvet. $125, us.topshop.com.
THERE’S SOMETHING, well, really a lot of things about the holiday season that make me yearn for simple solutions. And, what could be a simpler solution for dressing up than Yves Saint Laurent’s androgynous and armor-like classic, “Le Smoking” (so named because the silk lapels from 19th-century men’s smoking jackets were designed to allow ashes falling from after-dinner cigars or cigarettes to slide off, keeping the jacket pristine.) Saint Laurent introduced the iconic look in 1966 and reinvented it in every collection thereafter.
Designers at every price point continue to refresh the traditional black evening jacket and satin-striped pants with different fabrics, cuts, colors and ideas on how to wear them. Maison Margiela pairs a classic jacket with a plain white shirt, cropped pants and booties; for Tibi’s Amy Smilovic all-white looks right, as does a jacket with a tie flourish at the sleeve. Diane von Furstenberg translates the formalwear staple into a velvet jumpsuit and Topshop tweaks the tuxedo jacket in a crinkly velvet — in jade.
For cues on how to style the borrowed-from-the-boys look, see Angelia Jolie, who, pre-Pitt divorce, paired her le smoking with an unbuttoned white shirt and an untied bow tie draped at the collar. For more photos of celebs rocking the tuxedo, see this BuzzFeed story.
Bottom line: A thumbs-up for the tuxedo suit. It is a no-brainer for looking polished and chic.
— Janet Kelly Janet Kelly is the editor of MyLittleBird. She recently posted on cozying up to plaid.
phantom of the opera, but the dewy looks post-treatment from 
5. According to a recent Wall Street Journal story, “16 Reasons to Love Fashion in 2016,” fashion on TV hasn’t been the same since the 2015 finale of “Mad Men.” So, whoopee for the luscious costumes on a young Elizabeth II, her sister Margaret, the queen mother and Wallis Simpson on Netflix’s first 10 episodes of “
