7 Spring Trends You Won’t See Me Wearing

Fringe: I like a little fringe—it’s a fun embellishment on handbags, for sure. But when it takes over the whole outfit, well, it’s too much of a much, unless you’re a hula dancer or want a flapper costume. Rachel Comey’s $595 skirt is sold out on modaoperandi.com.

Tiny Sunglasses: Who ever thought this was a good idea? Sunglasses are meant to protect the wearer from those evil UV rays. Perhaps a cool look for supermodels and Rihanna. Or channeling Keanu Reeves in “The Matrix.” $23, asos.com.

Sheer: Has our tell-it-all society led to bare-it-all clothing? The line of your underwear is no longer something to disguise, apparently. New designers at Jil Sander showed this navy blue long dress in a semi-sheer, skin-revealing fabric, which leaves little to the imagination. $3,530, jilsander.com. Most of the rest of the collection is more like the old, sober Jil Sander.

Deconstruction: Sacai’s Chitose Abe’s experiments with cut and paste are admirable, but this patchwork cotton shirt ($735, netaporter.com) looks more like a Rube Goldberg contraption than something you’d want to wear. And despite my lament, uneven hems don’t appear to be going away anytime soon.

Chandelier Earrings: If these Chloe hoops with lots of dangling charms get caught on anything, say goodbye to your ear. Oversize earrings are okay, but this 6-inch-long, 3-inch-wide pair is overpowering. $890, mytheresa.com.

Feathers: Prada’s over-the-top shoes are delightfully whimsical, but this top with a rabbit print and black ostrich cuffs belongs on someone who leads a far different life than I do. $2,980, farfetch.com.

Transparency: Designers took transparency to another level with plastic capes and high vinyl boots (from Chanel, above). How sticky and uncomfortable, not to mention exorbitantly priced at $3,000-plus for the cape. chanel.com.

SPRING. ALMOST but not quite. Still, a blue sky with no snow or drenching rain in sight gave me the necessary nudge to revisit the season’s fashion forecast. And, there’s plenty to look forward to – lots of shine (a French woman once told me that a little gleam close to the face is a must for grown-up girls), plaid jackets and coats, yummy pastel sweaters and boldly colored shirts and skirts.

On the other hand, there are also several touted trends you’ll never find me wearing unless I’ve suddenly fallen into a coma.  For example, I have to wonder why it’s worth spending money on a “deconstructed” shirt or an asymmetrical skirt better suited to a flamenco dancer than someone whose daily performance is going to work. Isn’t life complex enough without having to figure out how to put on your clothes in the morning?

In one of the more out-there ideas, Burberry made the case for translucent plastic trench coats, Chanel for clear vinyl capes and transparent booties. Instead of just a decorative accent, some designers went to extremes, making a whole outfit of fringe! Sunglasses shrank in size (how does that make sense?), while earrings grew to outsize proportions.

For these and more 2018 spring trends that I’m just going to say no to, take a look at our slide show.

—Janet Kelly

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