Lifestyle & Culture

The Foolproof World News Diet



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Photo by Andrea Rouda.

FINALLY, A DIET THAT WORKS. It’s easy, with no weighing, measuring or special eating plans, no need to keep food diaries or attend weekly meetings. No diet pills or drinks, no stomach stapling or surgery. The Foolproof World News Diet (FWND) works like magic! Simply prepare your meals as usual, then sit down at the table with today’s paper open to the news section and begin eating. Sure, you’ll take a few bites at the start, but the cumulative effect of worldwide carnage and destruction is guaranteed to kill your appetite, saving you thousands of calories each week when done properly at every meal.

My perusal of theJuly 5th Wall Street Journal caused half my breakfast to remain uneaten. Starting with two strawberries, two dried prunes and an English muffin with almond butter (385 calories), I became nauseated by the time I reached the photo at the bottom of the page showing the gleeful murderers cradling their rifles and sporting their tablecloth hats, thus leaving approximately 175 calories on the table

Completely free (except for the cost of the newspapers), the revolutionary FWND works with any major metropolitan daily and all types of foods! In fact, if it doesn’t help you drop 10 pounds in a month then my name isn’t Marie Osmond.

— Andrea Rouda
Andrea Rouda blogs at The Daily Droid

2 thoughts on “The Foolproof World News Diet

  1. Nancy says:

    Unfortunately not so far off. Can’t eat breakfast because of what’s in the paper, or supper because of the evening news. Nothing left to do but drink wine all night and snack.

    1. Janet Kelly says:

      An idea I can get behind!

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