Lifestyle & Culture

My Fast-Metabolism Diet

June 24, 2018



HOPE my regular readers will bear with me for another day of diet talk. It seems that there are tons and tons of people out there following The Fast Metabolism Diet. I know this because my stats for a recent blog post were through the roof! They were 500% higher than the closest competitor post, which was about lady killer Jodi Arias who stabbed her boyfriend 29 times, so I feel I should at least give them a few more crumbs as I enter my third day, a.k.a. Phase 2, of this diet.

The first two days (Phase 1) were fun, fun fun! Lots of juicy fruits and veggies and grains like brown rice and quinoa and even bread, the sprouted wheat kind, but still, bread is bread as any true bread lover will tell you. (I’d rather have a two-day-old toasted bagel than an ice cream sundae any day.)  But that’s all behind me now: for the next two days it’s all protein and veggies, and nothing else. I repeat: Nothing. Else.

So far it has sucked, but I’ve only had breakfast, which was a 3-egg-white omelet made with zero shortening in a non-stick pan. (Of course it stuck.) I threw in some of last night’s leftover zucchini for some flair, but basically I felt like I was in solitary confinement and it had been delivered to me through a hole in my cell door. I had this with a nice big glass of water, since no coffee is allowed. (Frowny face.) The trick is to be creative, for example, think of a mushroom as a bun made in a bakery instead of as a fungus that grows in the dirt.

Still, I’ve lost two pounds in two days and I feel great! And it’s nice knowing what I’ll be eating instead of mindlessly shoving any random thing down my gullet and ending up with a big bowl of Bloated and Nauseous, my usual dessert after most meals. Besides, I just have to do this particular spartan diet today and tomorrow, and after that it’s three days of fabulous foods of all kinds: Olive Oil! Nuts! Avocados! More bread! 

I am pumped for Phase 3; only five meals, four snacks and 132 ounces of water to go. I know I can do it, especially if I focus on all the people the world over who have so little to eat.

—Andrea Rouda

Andrea Rouda blogs at The Daily Droid

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