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By Valerie Monroe
If you’re interested in feeling happier about your appearance—especially as you age—you might like reading what she has to say about it. For more of her philosophical and practical advice, subscribe for free to How Not to F*ck Up Your Face at valeriemonroe.substack.com.
AS I STARTED writing a second post about jowls, it occurred to me there’s another good reason to pronounce it like “bowls.” (I’ll never tire of
Can’t get enough Valerie Monroe? There’s more at https://valeriemonroe.substack.com.
this, Dear Readers; I appreciate your indulgence.) Jowls, as I said, sounds like “howls”—but saying it the other way resonates with (I’m in a Kit Kat Club state of mind) Bowles, as in Sally Bowles. What’s in a name? Sally Bowels. You get my point.
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Now, a confession. Last week, I spent $60 on a blush.
Even while buying it, I thought, WTF. People send me blush. Nice people. Nice blush. But I’ve used this blush for 15 years and when I realized I was at the bottom of the pot (yes, it lasted 15 years; I don’t wear a lot of makeup), I thought, Maybe I should buy a new one.
I didn’t buy the original blush—it was gifted to me, as were almost all products when I was a beauty editor—so I priced it out online. When I saw that a small pot cost more than a yearly subscription to HowNotToF*ckUpYourFace, I skipped over to Target and paid $18 for a fine blush I often recommend. (Creamy, nice shades, natural finish.) But walking by a department store a few days later, I thought I’d see if they carried my O.G. They did. I tried on a couple of shades; it still made my heart sing. It’s got a different name, but it’s the same stuff—velvety texture; delicate pigment with a barely detectable sheen; makes me look like I sprinted for the bus through a snow shower. So, here you go. Maybe you’d like to pop for a subscription, too?
About those jowls. Last week we covered just about everything you might try in a dermatologist’s office or at home. This week, before we get serious, I want to mention a PR email I received recently. Here’s what caught my eye:
Ever wondered how celebrities like Margot Robbie, Hailey Bieber or Cillian Murphy got their chiseled jawlines? It’s all down to perfect body posture, and right oral posture with the tongue placed on the roof.
You read that right: Oral posture. Evidently, there’s a trend popular among TikTok-ers (15 billion views, if the PR person is to be believed) of a kind of lingual acrobatics that involves keeping your tongue sucked to the roof of your mouth. It’s called mewing, named after the guy (not a cat) who created it. Do it correctly and consistently and you’re supposed to get a snatched jaw. (Don’t know what a snatched jaw is? Congratulations!) I can’t seem to manage it, so I can’t tell you if it works. But even if it does, the effect is only temporary, since you’ll have to release your tongue in order to return to the delights of human discourse.
Finally, my conversation with plastic surgeon Alan Matarasso, MD about treatments for jowls. “The first thing to understand is that jowls are often mistaken for something else,” said Matarasso. “Jowls appear because of skin laxity and/or changes in fat distribution on the face. Real jowls begin at the corner of the nose with the nasolabial crease and descend in the shape of a gourd, wider at the bottom as it crosses the jawline. But there’s also something called the buccal fat pad, which can herniate and look just like a jowl. It’s often mistaken by both doctors and patients.”
How to differentiate one from the other? “Put your finger on a herniated fat pad and it will disappear, but a jowl won’t,” said Matarasso. I don’t know about you, but I’d need professional help with this. If it plagues you, the buccal fat pad can be surgically removed (Chrissy Teigen posted about her surgery), making your round face look more . . . sculpted. NB: I’m only an innocent bystander here.
What are the surgical options for jowls? Obviously, a full facelift renovates the whole shebang, said Matarasso. A necklift (with cuts behind the ears) takes out the bottom of the jowl, but doesn’t fully pull it up. “An extended necklift—in which we cut less than an inch in the crease in front of the earlobe—will more fully help pull up the jowl, so that’s an option for those who don’t want a full facelift,” he said. The extended necklift can improve the appearance of jowls a minimum of 5 to 10 years; though you’ll never get to the point where you would’ve been without surgery, eventually, your jowls will reappear.
And what about the less invasive thread lift mentioned last week? “It’s fine for people beginning to get early jowling, as it’ll help reduce them,” said Matarasso. It might be right for the 40-year-old who you’d say is crazy to do anything, but her jowls bother her. There are a few things to be aware of: A thread lift is expensive ($1,600-$3,500, according to RealSelf), the results are temporary, and it may result in some scarring. “We used to say the sweet spot for a facelift is between 45 and 50 years old,” said Matarasso. “If you have a thread lift instead, you may miss that spot. So your facelift won’t be as effective or last as long.”
Did you have a facelift between the ages of 45 and 50? I imagine you feel pretty good about your choice right now. For that, I’m glad, though none of this valuable information—Thank you, Dr. Matarasso!—makes me regret not having had surgery. But I think if your jowls (or jowels) make you miserable and you’ve considered all options other than surgery, then a consultation with a plastic surgeon seems like the right path. When a life without jowls is a happier life, leave them at the curb. It’s nobody’s business but yours.
