Call Me Kitty

iStock

THIS MORNING I received a survey in my email asking me to rate my experience at the recent Maine Jewish Film Festival that spanned two weeks and involved showings at many venues throughout the greater Portland area. Despite having attended only one film in the series I decided to respond, since I found it a valuable addition to the local arts scene and welcomed the opportunity to give them positive feedback.

There were the expected questions about which films you saw, what theaters were best, what times were most popular, how did you feel about the post-film discussions, do you have a religious preference, what is your age and household income and the like. But the final question was a surprise: Do you identify as A) Male  B) Female or  C) Other? A blank box was provided in which to explain your answer.

WTF? Somehow, because an estimated 0.6% of U.S. adults identified as transgender in a 2016 survey from the Williams Institute—others show the same result—everyone is suddenly supposed to “identify” as something other than their natural-born gender? And why do the people running this film festival think that’s important information to have? What is it their business?

Okay then. The truth is I do not identify as female. I did back when I menstruated every month and had to buy Tampons and wash a lot of underwear. But those days are long gone, and now I don’t do anything that “females” are supposed to do. I don’t wear makeup or high heels. I don’t get pedicures or manicures. I hate perfume and have no interest in fancy jewelry. I only wear dresses under duress, like to funerals, weddings or pretentious awards ceremonies, and none of those have required my attendance since I can’t remember when.

I certainly do not identify as male. I hate watching sports like football, basketball, hockey, racing, wrestling or golf. I never look at porn. I am not a slob by nature, and I hardly ever think about sex unless I am actually having some.

The truth is I identify as a common house cat. I love to sleep in the sun. Actually, sleeping is one of my favorite activities. I like nibbling treats instead of eating three meals a day. I groom myself often. I find most conversation unnecessary. I love my family members and mistrust most strangers. So I wrote “Domestic feline” in the box on the survey. That should fix their wagon.

—Andrea Rouda

Want more Andrea? She blogs at The Daily Droid.